"Sunny Disposition"

This day just seemed to zoom on by!

School was pretty cool today.  I STILL feel like the outcast... mostly because I'm not socially involved with everyone... but I feel myself starting to get comfortable.  So by the next few weeks I'm sure I won't feel like a COMPLETE outsider.

In school we actually got to work with our doll heads and touched base on finger waves, pin curls, and braiding.  There was a quote on Tumblr that I liked: "Be so good they can't ignore you -Steve Martin."  And I feel like my classmates got a taste of that today.  It felt awkward being put on the spot and everything.  But I feel like it brought validation to my worth.  Like I NOW stand out because I was good at something.  Well, it's not stopping there!!  I can't wait to learn more and gain more knowledge and skills!  I'm ready and motivated!  Also, I sprayed water down the front of my shirt trying to rinse my doll head...  Luckily I was wearing all black!... haha, kinda embarrassing but I live.

Today was also the first time I took the trolley and bus home from school.  Gotta remember to bring sunglasses for the trips back home on the trolley.  And.  Buses suck.  I think Imma have my Pops pick me up from the trolley station next time.  Walking around with all my shit just was NOT the business.  I was so out of breath and sweaty by the time I reached my house.

After a little snack and some rest, I decided to go for a run since I've been neglecting my fitness.  I made sure to start heading home before the sun went down and then I finished off with my trusty jump rope once I got back home again.  It was more of a walk than it was a run... but I'm still counting it apart of my "training schedule."

Once I settled down and showered and prepped my hair for tomorrows look, I started my HW.  YEAH.  I have hw again! :P  It was just a little fill in the blanks type of thing pretty easy stuffs.  And now I'm here.  Blogging.  It really did feel like this whole day came to an end so quickly.  I'm usually tired and sleepy by now... but I'm still pretty awake.

Actually.  I think it's time I rest and lay in bed.

First Day of School

I was pretty nervous for the first day of school.  I haven't been in a classroom setting with a bunch of new faces I've never seen or met before in a while.  So I was getting pretty anxious that I wouldn't make friends too easily or feel like an outcast or just be socially awkward.

My classmates are all pretty interesting and have great personalities and great energy.  I just feel like I'm not in my comfort zone with all these girls (there are two guys in my class!  One is a douche kinda guy and the other is gay) and I let my introverted-ness shine.  It's okay, I hope to get out and be more outgoing throughout this year or so with them.  I will be seeing 'em for the next how many weeks so I've GOT to get comfortable.  At least everyone is friendly.  I know that'll make the process of feeling comfortable that much easier.

Turns out I'm the token Asian in the class.  Everyone also seems to be married or still pretty young.  I feel so bland compared to everyone.  It's okay, I'll shine when I get a chance to, right?  We all will.

I think the most stressful part of the day was getting out kits and unwrapping and organizing everything.  It was a LOT of shit that we had to cram into a little box.  I'm really going to hate lugging all my equipment to and from school.  Public Trans Lifeeeee -_- Luckily I got my Pops to pick me up because I really had too much crap to carry with me.  At least my load will be bearable tomorrow.
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I felt the jealously awaken in me today.  I don't really feel like getting into the DETAILS details of it... but yeah.  WHY must I feel so little and insignificant at times.  This is the neverending battle with me.  Chin up, girl!!!!!!  I need more positive reinforcements in my life.

I've had this killer headache since I got out of class... I'mma shower and lay down.  Day two tomorrow!

Feel it in my Bones

Just because I heard this for the first time in forever.  And because it reminds me of Jek.  And cause I've been hearing a lot from her recently.

Even though this was pretty much my last week of freedom, I didn't really get a chance to enjoy or relax through any of it.  The past two days were SCORCHING hot.  We reached the high 100+ degree mark ;O.  It was terrible; work plus PMSing plus the ridiculous heat was horrendous.  Luckily the temperature dropped around the 80's.  Which was NICE compared to that Egypt(my coworker said it was so hot it felt like we were walking in Egypt.  LOL.) weather.

Yesterday, although was HOT as balls, was bearable due to the following factors:
- Copped a pair of JC wedges @ Nordstrom Rack for almost half the original price.  (My first pair of JC's!)
- N brought me a smoothie before my dinner shift <3
- My coworker got me a cup of whipped cream from Starbucks (I originally asked him as a joke.  But he really got it for me!  How sweet!  Lol.)

Today was kind of stupidly fucked, but I live.  I ended up working all day even though I was only scheduled to work the first part of the day and had other plans to attend.  I forget my manager doesn't care if I have a personal life or not.  I'm too nice I guess.  But whatever.  Long story short, I got my haircut done, shopped around FV mall, had an early dinner at Boudin, AND THEN went into work for my second shift.  I was pissed to be forced the work tonight and I stated that if she REALLY NEEDED ME to come in that I would be late.  So I basically took my time and relaxed till I clocked in again.  I work again tomorrow, but luckily I got her to cut my dinner shift cause I covered a coworker today.  I just wanted a fuckin day off.

I keep spending money damnit.  Keep on spending till I have no more to spend... keep on spending till I realize I don't have enough to be living this way.  IT STOPS HERE!!!!!  This week I think I bought two pairs or shoes (for school!), two mascaras (I'm currently looking for a good one that CURLS.  And I didn't know I was going to be near a Sephora today...), more black attire, a pair of earrings... and I think thats it?  Oh.  And I pre-ordered the iPhone5 ;o.  WELL IT STOPS HERE!!!!!!! ;f

I start school soon.  FUCK!!

A few things:

MY FREE RUNS FINALLY CAME IN. And they are beautiful. I don't think I've ever been this excited over a pair of Nikes before. Whatever. They are lovely and I'm breaking em in tomorrow when I run to C's house. I feel like I haven't been running often this week... actually I think I just planned out my schedule weird this time around. It's okay, I've been doing a little bit from the times I haven't been running. At least I'm keeping active.

So the iPhone 5 made it's debut today and will be released to the public on the 21st of this month. Am I one of those suckers that's buying the new iPhone? Yes, yes I am (I'm pre-ordering the bitch). Don't hate, I'm over it. The progression of technology is amazing... and I do need a new phone (my main buttons are fucked up). So there you go, you haters continue to drink that haterade. Lol.

Since this is basically my last week of freedom I've been trying to think of things to do... but I really can't think of anything spectacular to do. Oh well, I'll just make sure to enjoy it all! Regardless of that happens.

On Sunday I'm getting my hair cut. I'm not sure how I wanna do it this time. I just know that it needs to be cut. I'm thinking of just having the lady do whatever she feels like doing. I'm leaning on that option seeing as I have no clue what else I can do. Here's to forever looking like a boy! ;f

It's been a pretty eventful Tuesday!

This morning I got up early and drank my morning shake of the day (NTS: That's it, totally over coffee... kinda), tested out the bike my Dad got back a few days ago (I'm so not used to biking. And I think this bike needs some maintenance... I felt like it was going to fall apart on me!), and got ready for the rest day ahead of me.

All I had scheduled for today was the contract meeting for school. So I headed there a little early to get good parking and possibly get a head start on everything. Everything was pretty much a breeze. Left the place excited and nervous about starting next week! It's all so crazy. I already bought new clothes (seeing as I don't really have enough black clothing) and went shopping for school supplies I need for the first day.

I drove over to my love's house and we had a movie cuddle session and pretty much stayed in bed for the remaining half of the afternoon. It was nice to getta relax with him after my eventful day (looking at it now, I didn't do a LOT... I guess it was content wise). Even nicer that it wasn't scorching hot as it's been the past few weeks! So cuddling was extra comfortable :3

I feel like this is my final week of actual freedom... let's see what I can do with my days before I'm a busy busy bee.

Drifting in and Out

Spendthrift

I'm in no position to be spending my money on luxurious wants, but it happened today.  I'll be broke in a few months yet I go out on a mini splurg... WELL.  Let my walk you through the things I've bought within the last few days:

- Black H&M pull-over knit sweater (For the colder seasons/for school)
- Black XXI circle skirt (For school)
- XXI Ornamental brass earrings with Cameo embellishment
- Plum Nike Dri-Fit running shorts (For the Color Run.  My sister and I are matching)
- Grey Nike Dri-Fit running tights (I just tried them on and was mind blown on how comfortable and light these bad boys were.  Totally worth the money.  And now I don't have to buy those PINK yoga pants I've been eying.)
- A skein of Red Heart yarn & size 15 knitting needles (I'm making an infinity scarf/it's something to do while I transport to school.)

I'm still in need of a few things... black boots, a black top, socks/hosiery, and a haircut.  Fuck my life for being so spendthrift.  I still have packages in the mail that need to make it my way too!  Like my Free Runs & Circa album.  My Shakeology package came in yesterday or something.  I'll give you my review on that sometime soon.

Until then... pizza time!

Work To Do

So it's pretty much set.  I have one more step in setting my educational goals in stone.  I already put a deposit down for my spot in the class for September 18th and I just have to go in one last time to go over and sign contracts.  It's pretty mind blowing actually!  I'm scared and nervous and excited to be going back to school!  I am not looking forward to taking public transportation (I already bought my monthly pass and figured out the routes I need to take) and being broke for the next year... it's okay, it'll be worth it in the end!  Chin up and stay positive and stay motivated!

So now that I have school planned back into my life, I feel a little more secure in life.  Yeah, I STILL don't have a car (I'm spending all the money I was saving for it on school), but as long as I'm going to school and working that's good enough for me.  I don't need to be out every day and see everyone all the time.  I've spent the last year and more doing that!  So it's time to get serious!  It's about time too!

School, work, and running.  That's what I've got in life to keep me on the right track.  And whatever else lies in between all that.

2012 is turning up.  Progression, bby.

Hump Day

So I finally picked up the prints from the three rolls of film that have been sitting around in my room.  Take a look at my flickr and see for yourself!  I'm trying to make use of the cameras I have so expect more uploads more often! (I've got till October to use up J's Canon, ya know!)

Right now I'm listening to my iTunes.  It's basically music I listened to in high school and a taste of some music I downloaded a bit recently.  It's all so nostalgic.  Currently it's LOWERdefinition.  I LOVED this band.  HAHA.  Anyways, speaking of Apple, the iPhone 5 release date is nearing...  I'm SO ready to pre-order the bitch.  My lock button is busted and my home button works 45% of the time... those are my major reasons as to why I'd like a new phone.  I'll be patient.  I mean I have been for the past how long.

So tomorrow is the big day.  Well not necessarily... well, after tomorrow I'll know what to expect within the next month and shit.  I'll fill you in on the shenanigans later on tomorrow.  My fingers are crossed that everything actually goes well!  I'm scared, but hey.  You gotta live and do things that frighten you, right?  Right!  It won't kill you (just stay positive)!

Today started off nice, I woke up next to N a little later than expected.  But that's okay (it was the latest I've been up in a while, but he made staying in bed too good to get out of).  I went to Fashion Valley mall in attempt to FINALLY take home some running shoes that I've recently been obsessing over.  But no dice!  Okay okay, it's because I was being picky on what color scheme to get... but whatever.  I came home empty handed again.  Well, the deal on the shoes thing is that I ordered them online.  I mean I tried them on in stores so I know what to expect.  It had to be done.  I'm so stoked!  I have like a million other packages that need to make their way towards me already!  I've definitely splurged in things this month alone.  It's okay, I'm trying not to spend anymore money on things that are not essential to me.  Like fancy clothes and shoes.  Or accessories or little nick-nacks that catch my eye.  It's so hard to do, but I've already done some damage.

It's JUST come to my attention that I have not seen or spoken to one of my bff's in maybe a month!  Luckily we got to "catch up" on FB.  Oh the wonders of online chatting, right?  Haha.  She's just as crazy as she was when I last saw her.  It was really refreshing though.  To get that dose of crazy.  Well, I definitely need to see her sometime soon.  I need a little girl time in my life.

The Color Run

If you haven't heard of it, take a look!  I signed up my sister and I for the Color Run in November!  I'm pretty excited about it and it's pretty much keeping me motivated!  Seeing as I'm pretty much a noob to this running thing, I've been doing some research on getting ready to run my first 5k and yada yada yada.  But seriously, I feel like this is one of the only things I've got right now to look forward to.  Well, it's good I've got something!

I like that I'm getting into running.  It motivates me to stay active and be healthy.  Plus points that I also cut out smoking and drinking.  I'm thinking about actually keeping alcohol and cigarettes outta my diet for a bit longer than expected.  I mean, I've gotten this far and I have other goals I want to accomplish.  Smoke and alcohol will just slow me down!  As for my attempt in becoming vegan... that one is harder for me than the whole giving up drinking and smoking thing!  But I'm working on it.

Tomorrow morning I'm planning on waking up early and taking a run/walk to my bff's house.  Hopefully I wake up on time so I can beat the sun!  Last time I went out for my workout, it was HOT.  And it was only 9 or 10 in the morning.  Damn you Summer!

Just Do It

As of recently, I've found myself to be consistently waking up around 7am this entire week.  I'm starting to get used to it i guess.  It's a little weird getting up and starting my day so early... I guess that gives me more time out of the day to do something a little more productive.

Speaking of being productive with the extra time I have in the morning, I think I've added another goal I'd like to accomplish by the time I turn 25.  And that is to complete a half marathon.  Not only will it be fulfilling, but it will help strengthen my mental and physical well being.  So I'm thinking about doing my research for beginning runners and start pre-trainning.  And to get into the swing of things I'll start off running a 5k and work myself up to my goal.  Sounds easy enough?  Now the hard part... actually getting off my butt and start exercising.

BEAUTIFULUNIVERSEMASTERCHAMPION

I feel like I can listen to this song on repeat.

I'll just save the blog for tomorrow, nights.

7 Billion People All Alive At Once

I'm almost 25, so the question to some of my friends was "What is one thing you'd like to do before you turn 25?"  Here's some of their responses:

- JM: Record a CD
- NN: Do a small tour and play music
- JJ:  Go to grad school
- CY:  Go to Vegas, Hawaii, or skydive
- JI:  Skydive or get casted for the L Word
- RB:  Go to an actual Octoberfest in Germany

I know turning 25 isn't until two years, but time has been flyin!  There's no harm in making a bucket list type thing.

Scar Tissue

Its confusing how the weather likes to change so constantly.  Especially since I'm not doing a lot these days... it's all I really come to notice.  It was hot and sunny yesterday and today its gloomy with slight sprinkles here and there.  I wish I didn't have to go into work later today.  It's like the perfect weather to just stay in bed all day and read or write or nap.

It's only been about a week now, but I can definitely see a change in how my body is running.  I don't feel to be as anxious anymore.  And my bad habit of chewing ice is pretty much nonexistent now (it was a nervous habit type of thing).  Also I feel myself to have more energy.  Not as lazy as I usually am.  I mean, I'm still fuckin lazy, but it's different now.  So far I like how this whole "cleanse" is turning out.  Let's see how the rest of the month holds out for me.

So I'm setting up an interview and tour for a school I'm interested in.  I won't reveal what school it is until I finalize anything.  I haven't really told any one my intentions... but hopefully it works out!  I'm dying to go back to school and at this point I'm ready to do anything to make it happen.  I'm scared mainly because of financial reasons, but I'm willing and ready to pull out loans to get started on a career.  Wish me luck?

Yesrerday: Sunday

 

I spent my Sunday Funday with that guy right there.  We started around noon and roamed the streets of downtown.  He won a pair of Munitio headphones and we had lunch at the Neighborhood ("Why the fuck would you wanna go anywhere else?").  It was actually a nice day to be out.  It was still pretty hot, but it was bearable.  And that's a lot coming from me cause I hate hot weather.  Afterwards, we headed to Seaport with the intention of seeing S at work.  We just roamed through the shops and walked along the coast until it was about time S went into work.  Turns out he was running late, but we did run into a friend we haven't seen in a while so he hooked us up with some delicious coffee.  We pretty much spent the rest of the day lounging at parks and thinking of what to do next.  I was pretty beat from being out all day and we finally ended up at my house to catch the next episode of Breaking Bad.

Overall, it was a good Sunday.  A nice change from just staying home all day and dying from boredom.

So this is now week two of my body cleanse.  SADLY I have failed for the past two days (I indulged in sweets and had a tuna sandwich).  But that stops now!  As far as the drinking and smoking, I've been doing great!  Saturday was the Summer Beer Olympics and I decided not to even bother in going.  So after work, I hit up C and went over to his house to have some sober fun.  It was nice to have him around and not drink with me.  Being sober on the weekends IS possible, folks!  That sounded so sad, lol.  But it's true!  I think that's what I'll do instead of going out to these drunken parties on the weekends: stay in with company that doesn't need to!  Sounds simple enough.  I don't even like half of the people I know (that's probably not true... I'm just hating on people now).  Lol.

You know that saying of doing something that scares you?  I think I will.

I don't miss my long hair, I can tell you that much.  But I am tired of looking like a boy sometimes.  Sometimes I feel short hair to be too "edgy."  But anyways, if my hair looks weird on one side, it's cause I'm fro-ing it out for tomorrow.  Just cause I can and because I think it'll be fun. 

My sister's bf is tryna get advice on what to get my sister for her upcoming birthday in October.  It's pretty fun being able to sort out what my sister would and would not like.  Hopefully I'm helping out.  It just sucks cause once I get excited about something especially towards a gift, I want to tell the person.  But luckily, I won't go blabbing... this time.

J called me earlier today and I totally screened his call (I guess I am one of those types of people that does that.  And I don't usually like talking on the phone).  Turns he was calling about his Mom's old Canon AE-1 that I was planning on keeping forever.  Turns out she wants it back, so the next time J comes back to SD I have to turn it back to its rightful owner.  I'm a bit sad, but he did say he'd get me another one for my birthday... but we'll seeeeeeeeee.  I also have my eye on another toy camera, but I think I'll just get that for myself as a birthday present to myself.

Infinity Overhead

I think I started listening to Minus the Bear in mid high school and now they are coming out with another album in a few days.  Crazy how some things just stay around right?  Anyways, I gave their new album a listen and I'm pleased.  I mean, I'm pretty much easy to please, and this I like.  I saw the release date for the album and it's the same date as J's birthday, so I'm preordering the CD+Shirt option for him.  Hopefully he enjoys it!

So this is Day 4 of my "cleanse."  And I'm sad to say that I slipped up yesterday and today.  I had a few tater tots from True North and then today I had some okoi with my Ma.  Well, I still think I'm doing okay.  I've been staying away from alcohol and cigarettes so that's more of something to yay about.  Yesterday I went to DnB's & True North for I's birthday celebration and I was so good!  I wanted to drink so bad, but it was bearable (I honestly think house parties are the ones that I really have to look out for).  It's okay though, I'll just vicariously live through N for the next month...  but we all know thats no fun.  Also, not drinking and smoking around people that do makes me notice a lot more.  For example my sense of smell was more sensitive.  It was pretty annoying smelling beer breath and 2nd hand smoke, but I live.

I'm rly just waiting for this week to go by so I can start my vegan week.  For the past few days I've been prepping myself in what I can eat and what I can make to survive that week.  And the more I research, the more I want to try giving the vegan diet an actual go!  Well see how next week treats me~

Always Where I Need to Be

So this is day three of my body cleanse.  And so far so good!  I think it's going to get a little tough over the weekends because I'm cutting out drinking AND smoking.  I got recruited to be apart of my friend's Summer Beer Olympics but had to sadly decline cause 1. I have work & 2. I'm not drinking...  I've always wanted to participate in a beer competition!  Oh well, I'll have my time to shine another time :P.  You know, I'm honestly thinking about not even going out on Friday or Saturday just to be able to resist the temptation to smoke or drink.  With all my friends around me I'm bound to give in at least a sip or a puff.  I'll see once the time comes...

School has started again for a lot of people and I feel so stagnant once again.  Well, at least I'm working on it and looking into schools (more like A school, but we'll see how that turns out).  My fingers are crossed to get started within the next month or so.  I really need to get a move on in setting a career path.  I'm tired of just working and bumming it at home.

It's my first day off today.  And I have no idea what I'm going to do today.  Maybe pick up my paycheck and deposit it.  Then maybe pick up some goods from Sprouts for the next following weeks.

I think I needa get outta the house already.

Lazy Sunday

So now that I have a set monthly work schedule, it's weird to have an entire Sunday off.  I'm not really sure what to so with myself so I've had a rather boring day today.  I was planning on going out and getting some fresh air, but then the laziness of the Sunday kicked in.  HOPEFULLY I'll at least get a chance to get out tonight.  I mean, it'll be so much cooler then.

So a couple of days ago I manned up and got my nipple pierced.  I got it done at Enigma in PB.  I've got to say that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I actually think that my septum piercing hurt a lot more.  Right now it's still healing, but I already love it.  If I could I'd show everyone!  But I won't, I'm just still excited that I actually got it done (I've been bitching about it for a while now).  So now, I have a total of nine piercings.  Perfect!

It's weird to think that "Summer" is actually over.  J went back to Hawaii to start her last semester, my sister is back from her camp counseling extravaganza, and I'm here trying to figure out which path I'll take in life: continue to work or start up school again.  I'mma miss J, over the Summer we spent a lot of time together.  Whether it was getting into trouble together or just sitting around doing girl stuffs or having a beer and talking about life.  It was nice having her around this Summer.  Luckily she'll be back in a few months and possibly move back to SD once she graduates from college.  We'll see how things go from here.

Tomorrow starts day one of my detox.  It'll be a week of juicing followed by a week of a vegan diet.  Pretty much eating clean while keeping up a regular exercise regiment.  I just really need to cleanse my body.  I'm also planning on cutting out drinking and smoking during the body cleanse.  Wish me luck!  I know I'll need it~

Indian Summer

I hate starting my day off with negative vibes and self-conscious thoughts.  I hate how I'm able to just tear myself down with this feeling of not being good enough or being close to perfect.  It's hard at times to keep a positive mindset these days.  Makes me think about how high my self esteem is.  Cause I know at the moment its not high at all.  It's so sad to know this is how I am and how I feel about myself.  I used to not care what anyone thought about me and didn't have to try to fit into peoples lives or interests cause I did everything for myself.  What happened to the old me?  Why must I care so much about insignificant things in life?  Why must this always be a burden in my life.  It really is not necessary.  I'm just bringing myself down for no reason, really.  This whole paragraph is ridiculous.

So Summer has been interesting this year.  It's crazy how it's ending soon... I'm more curious as to what's going to happened once Summer is gone.  People will leave, people will start school, yada yada.  And I will once again stand still (seriously, this whole entry has this weird black cloud over it).

As of recent, I've been playing around in the kitchen trying out vegan recipes.  It's one of the only things I've got going that is keeping me sane.  At times I want to try out the vegan diet for a week or so.  See how it makes me feel and such.  Maybe in a week or so.  I also want to detox my body and cut out smoking and drinking.  I just feel like my body needs a serious cleanse.  I've been smoking for too long and drinking for so long.  I think my body needs a rest from all of the poisons I intake all the time.  It would be nice to feel energized and less sluggish all the time.

Home

It's funny when people post personal ideas and thoughts onto the internet and are surprised that people actually read it.  I mean, in some sense you do want people to see it.  Especially if it is online.  I mean, it is available to everyone unless it's private or "hidden." 

I haven't been blogging or writing or doing much these days.  It's kinda a waste to do absolutely nothing.

I've been off of work for almost a week now.  I was initially supposed to go the the bay for a week but plans got a little lame so the trip ended up not happening.  So I ended up just having a shit load of days off with not a lot planned to fill in the gap.  It was pretty upsetting cause I really wanted to see the bay kids, but I know now to plan things out better.  Or better yet just plan a trip by myself so I don't have to deal with confirmation from others.  Well, on a more positive outlook, at least I got away from work for a bit?  I actually KINDA miss it though.  I'm used to paper chasing.

SO.  S & J have found themselves in a weird sort of yolo relationship this summer.  It's interesting and I'm all for it except for a few crucial factors that are in the way.  But I'll let them continue to do this summer loving...

The Mister and I have been doing okay.  A bit shaky at times due to my impaired judgement, but we're working things through.  I wish I was able to see him more often, but it's okay.  I live.

At the moment I'm feeling kinda alone and bored with everything.  It's definitely been a lazy ass Sunday.  I've pretty much been home all day watching Parks & Recreation.  Nothing too fancy goin on this Sunday.  I kinda just wanna go out though.  Get some fresh air or something.

BBNG

Make sure everyone you love

Loves you.

I never learn & when I do it's the hard way

Well first off I would like to say that I'm not surprised in your actions.  And it's funny how you "get away with it."  I know you and your intentions.  Today I realized it was you I wanted.  It was the mere idea of how everything used to be.  You won't fool me anymore and you won't haunt me anymore.  I should have realized that you've been the same from the beginning.
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SO, I finally cut my hair again.  This time I'm more satisfied with the outcome!  It's a lot shorter on one side, the shortest I've actually gone, but I love it.  I definitely stepped outta my comfort zone a BIT.  Maybe next time I'll do even more of a drastic change.

Today's been a pretty slow and lazy day.  I've been wanting to do something to occupy my time, but I've been too lazy.  I don't know, I guess I'll just relax more.  Gots work tomorrow, bleh.  Oh well, I need the moneyssssssss.  So much for saving D:

Things I don't like:

- Waiting too long
- Feeling naive
- Knowing I'm a flake
- Mushrooms
- Bacon
- Choco Tacos (But I do need to give them another chance)
- Awkward situations
- Not knowing what to wear
- Laziness (Except when I want... deserve to be)
- Feeling anxious all the time
- Being spendthrift
- Feeling stagnant

Things to mention

I believe it was Friday night N and I went to The Soda Bar to watch Weatherbox play a free show.  It was my FIRST time watching them live and I've got to say it was pretty amazinggggg.  I missed going to shows like that at smaller venues and such.  Makes the whole experience that more intimate.

Recently

So I've been trying to keep myself occupied with crafts and for the most part it's working.  The past few days I have been sewing and working on this "minimalist tote" pattern I feel in love with a few years back on Design Sponge.  Now that that is done, I've run out of things to work on.  I have other ideas on what I want to work on, but not enough resources.  I was going to sew up an apron for myself, but once I found the pattern I was looking for, it was missing pieces.

Last night I went to the bar with my usual set of two.  Don't get me wrong, they're great.  Just at times I feel so bored around them.  I need more flavor and excitement around the two.  Or at least more similarities in interest.  It makes em realize that I need to make more friends in my life.  Or at least get together with ones that I haven't seen in a while.  I just want to move away and start all over, but that's harder to do than say.

As for my financial life: I can't not spend money!  I know, I know.  I just need more self control I guess.  But it's just that I get crazy being at home all the time and when I do go out, it usually involves spending SOME sort of cash.  I still got bills to pay and shit too.  I really need to learn how to not spend money so loosely.  I think I'll start leaving my credit card at home.  As a matter of fact, I'll put it away right now!

I need something to do now...

Capiz Shell

 

And there it is!  The finished paper chandelier!  I can't take all of the credit though!  You can make one too!

Total amount spent: $2.

Now what to do with that extra spray paint... >;)

Trapped in the 80's

So whatever I listed down below that I was supposed to keep in mind totally didn't happen.  Heck, I pretty much forgot what was listed... staying positive, health, and wealth?  Something like that.

Anyways, I've got more shit to add to my list of do:
- Be more creative (Start and FINISH projects)
- Don't spend money on luxuries (until credit card is paid off)
- Cut smoking cigarettes (this is day 5 going on 6, mind you.  Friday is my only exception.)
- Cut down on the alcoholic beverages
- Write and read more often
There's more but that's the main points of the night I guess.

Last night I thought I'd dip into my creative side and work a little project to get my juices flowing again.  I ended up making a paper chandelier from a tutorial I fell in love with about a year ago.  It came out pretty sweet!  Not as janky as I thought it was going to be!  Pictures to be posted soon!  I'm pretty satisfied with the outcome; beats spending over 40 bucks on this other lamp shade I wanted from IKEA.

I'm bored ad it's too early to sleep and my nails are a bit too wet at the moment.  Oh what to do, what to doooo..

Pop Culture

So wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully pretty

I'm such a bum sometimes.  If I don't have work scheduled for the day then I pretty much sleep in till 1PM or later and just chill in my sleeping clothes all day.  Most likely just staying in bed netflixing or watching something on tv while munching on some shit.  BUM LYFE. ;/

So I've been thinking about the process of love and the inevitability of it's end.  I was being a creeper and looking into someones life... they just went through a breakup.  And I always thought that they were made for each other.  Like LITERALLY carved for each other.  It was so ridiculously crazy how cute and madly "in love" they were.  Never really thought of the idea of them going their separate ways, but it happened.  Kinda reminded me of my past relationship.  How madly in love we were only to stray away from each other over time until we just couldn't do it anymore.  Is it possible that we just loved each other so much it made us turn on each other?  I'm not sure if that made sense.  I just don't get how you can be so "perfect" with someone and just have time corrupt every aspect of it.

I'm in dire need of a new hobby.  Or actually just motivation to dust off an old one.  C'MON!

Dripping In Gold

HAHA, this girl is my OTHER half and she just gets me.  Also congrats AGAIN on graduating!

Last night we went out to Fluxx to celebrate J's grad and one of her friend's birthday.  Was a pretty chill night, didn't get TOO crazy like the last time I was there. To put this long story short: I fed myself shots, made friends with someone I've met three times before, got a free drink from a creeper and ran away, and had a half ass drunk talk with J once we got to her car.  Simple and sweet, right?  Right.

For some reason, tonight is the night for people to chat with me on facebook.  I don't mind it, it's just weird having people message me.  I'm not used to using chat applications anymore.  Ever since AIM flew out of my life, the concept of "chatting" left with it.  Lol, I don't know man.  But thanks for the company, I guess.

Positivity

Earlier today I read an article on how to "better myself."  It's not like I haven't heard these tips on focusing on positivity and letting go of any negative thoughts.  I guess it's just easier said than done.  Actually, I guess it's cause I'm so used to the way I am and the way I think that it's easier to go back to my old ways.  But I thought to myself, and realized that I haven't been that positive girl I used to be a few years back.  What happened to that girl that screamed "Stay Positive" all the time?  Well, here's my attempt to try and get her back here.  I think I blame myself too much and need to let go of that and actually take initiative.  Actually put a foot forward and stop being afraid...

Around this time of year I get a little depressed at my life and how little bit it has progressed as I watch a friend of mine graduate.  I'm happy that they got their head on straight, I guess I just get depressed at the fact that I didn't.  But that's another negative thought I should put behind me.  I take full responsibility for me and my school work and what I prioritized before it... it just sucks feeling like the college drop out of the group.  But like I said, that's negativity that's taking me down.

Things to work on: Positivity, health, & finances.

Valley View

The past few days I've been feeling pretty off balanced. The usual faces I enjoy seeing haven't exactly been enjoyable experiences. I mean, I'm glad I'm getting to spend time with you but I'm not feeling it. I feel outcasted almost. Maybe it's just me being totally antisocial, but I don't like feeling this way. It's happened today with my trio and then my boyfriend and my sister. I just didn't put much effort in responses cause I didn't feel up to it. I even feel this way during work.

I wish I could just go home and cuddle with myself in my blanket. I need to recharge myself for tomorrow.

"Sunday Funday"

You know, I've been really good at not being a COMPLETE drunk ass.  But there's just times where I just take things into excess.  Going right back to my stupid drunk ass ways.  Looking back at it all just puts me to shame.  It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

So the other night I got pretty smashed and said something that was probably not necessary at ALL.  It was a small thought but my drunken emotional side kicked it in full force.  Pretty much made myself look like an insecure fool.  The next morning I just felt stupid and out of it.  But luckily the friends that did get back to me slapped some sense into me.  I guess I was just making a bigger deal out of it than it really was.  I just feel like I should keep my cool and not let little insignificant things bother me like that did. Anyways.

Today's my lazy Sunday.  No work no nothing.  But it'd really like to get some fresh air.  Or at least get outta the house or something.  But this gloomy weather is just setting me back and making me feel extra lazyyyyyy.  Must.  Fight.  It.

Hyde Edwards

AND this is the cut.  I imagined it to be a LOT shorter, but hey, I'm not complaining.  Cut off over 10 inches of hair that I will donate to Locks of Love.  I think I'll where my hair short for a while now.  Next time I'll go even shorter.

You know that feeling when you know things aren't going to fall through or get forgotten or get flaked on?  Sadly to say that I think tonight is gonna be another one of those nights.  I mean, I have hope... but I won't be completely disappointed cause I'm kinda used to it.

Anywho.  Times like these when I feel like I need a cigarette.  That and I finally finished that bottle of Stella that I opened a night or two ago

My Body is a Bomb

Today is my boyfriend's 23rd birthday!  So wishing him a very happy birthday.  Unfortunately I didn't get to see him today, but luckily I did get him for the whole weekend and we celebrated his birthday together yesterday.

This Monday has been a pretty uneventful one.  I pretty much caged myself in my room the entire day.  After Nate left early this morning I couldn't get to sleep so I pretty much stayed up from 5am till now.  I mean I did end up passing out for a few hours sometime between finishing up Skins and watching YouTube tutorials.  But that's pretty much been my day.  Hiding in my room watching TV shows and eating.

I attempted to get out of the house for a bit when my bff texted me.  But by the time I actually showered and got ready we had to reschedule cause she forgot about previous plans she made in advance.  So now I'm here.  Lonely as hell and drinking some wine.  I mean, I know there's something that I could be doing that's more productive than this... but I kind of really just want to be out of the house.  Luckily I have work tomorrow night.  That'll keep me busy for a while.

On a lighter note.  This weekend was pretty entertaining.  Long story short: chilled in Cerritos for a day, back in SD and watched the UFC fight, double dated with my sister and her boyfriend for brunch on Sunday, and Nate and I roamed Earth Day drunk.

I'm pretty much over today.

Enemies - A Blind Cocktail

Sometimes I don't know why I have a physical journal to write in as well was a cyber diary to type everything in.  It's odd cause it's basically the same thing... but not.  I guess there's just different satisfactions of having the two.  This is probably my millionth blog on the internet.  I don't know, I just grow out of certain feelings I guess.  Change it up, forget those moments and start a new chapter.  Does that make sense?

As granny as it is to say: It's way past my bed time.  But I can't sleep and I don't want to continue watching Skins all night.  I don't know what else to do with myself except for this.  So if this is all jumbled and doesn't make too much sense... I guess it's not supposed to.

I hate to sound pessimistic or carry on negative vibes, but life is shit.  Well not completely, but I could be doing so much more with it.  I can't dwell on a shitty life forever though.  It is how you make it, right?  I'm trying to be positive and get my life in order... I just feel like I have to make big changes that I don't think I'm ready for yet.  Just a bit longer in my comfort zone, yeah?  That's just pathetic and lazy of me though.  Oh why don't you grant me with some motivation and I can do great things?  Shape up, girl.

Let's be carefree and not give a fuck what anyone else thinks.  Let's just live and be happy and satisfied with what we've got.